Alcohol, worms - Teacher and Student conversation

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students
the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms.

For his experiment, he showed them a beaker
with pond water in which there was a
thriving civilization of worms. When he added
some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.

"Now," he said, "what do you learn from this?"

An eager student gave his answer.

"Well the answer is obvious," he said
"if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

New Seatbelt Design

Can we get it all approved?

Height of Innocence

A Kid after being beaten by his mom (sitting sadly ...)

Dad: What happened son?

Son / kid: Dad, I can't adjust with your wife anymore!

Dad: Ok

Son/ kid: I want my own wife. :-)

Great Sardars!

GREAT SARDARS!!!!

Dear All,

Interviewer: what is your birth date? Sardar: 13th October Which year? Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR Manager asked sardar at an interview. Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X. After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner? Wife: No! Why? Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner? One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar: Any great man born in this village??? Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!! Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi. When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? You Sit behind. I will drive. Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!! Sardar: My mobile bill how much? Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL. Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.. Friend: How do u know? Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world? Sardar: ZEBRA Teacher: How? Sardar: Bcoz it is still Black & White Sardar attending an interview in Software Company. Manager: Do U know MS Office? Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir. Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay " Air hostess said: "B silent.." Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay" Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?" Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!! Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple? Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

7 Degrees of Blonde

7 Degrees Of Blonde




FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy. Its W.'

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about..

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!'

Not Joke: Pics: Vancouver Harbour Winter Olympics 2010 ring

Joke: Attorney

Subject: Just very funny even if you read it before



These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes..
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.